It’s here again.
It’s a familiar feeling, but different this time.
It’s like when the clouds change and you know it’s going to rain.
The clouds in my life are changing, and I can feel it leaking in.
It’s a familiar feeling.
This has happened before.
When I was 9, 18, 21.
Now I’m 26.
Does it ever end?
How does it feel?
It feels empty.
When you know you’re supposed to feel something,
but you don’t feel anything.
And you don’t want to talk, move, smile, frown, argue, or live.
You just want to be.
Until you find that thing that’s missing.
But you don’t know what’s missing.
It’s a familiar feeling.
I don’t think I like it.
But there is nothing I can do about it.
I’m not even asking for help
because there is nothing anyone can do about it.
It’s a familiar feeling.
But I used to cover it up with anger.
Anger for my past and those who wronged me.
But now that I’ve made peace with my past
and realized no one really wronged me,
how do I get out of this?
It’s a familiar feeling,
but this time I feel it completely.
I want to scream and yell and shout,
but there is no one to scream at but myself.
I was wrong.
It was just me.
Not my mom.
Not my primary school teacher.
Not my brother.
It was all me.
It’s a familiar feeling.
But now there’s nowhere to run to,
no one to blame,
nothing to hold on to.